To be precise, what you need is to “calm down” rather than “control” emotions. Trying to control your emotions, especially the negative emotions that make you uncomfortable, such as anger, frustration, loss, etc., may fall into the misunderstanding of “psychological depression“, making emotions not fully expressed, or even changing This face has quietly become a personal psychological toxin.
Over time, these long-term suppressed emotions will surely find outlets and burst out. This is why in daily life, it is not difficult for us to find some “good people” who have long suppressed themselves, never express their needs, and do not directly conflict with others, will explode at a very sudden moment. People who started to humiliate and bury themselves head-on, refused to cooperate and were oppressed as before. Even in the process, some “friends” will be accidentally injured, and their friendship and family will be messed up. I was once such a good old person, and in my heart I have clearly felt that the other party’s disrespect, impoliteness, and infringement of my own boundaries, I can not defend my necessary sense of boundary. Then disappointment and anger accumulate again and again, eventually turning into a volcanic eruption. This makes my colleagues and family members very puzzled: “Aren’t you good at talking before? Why do you suddenly become so irritable?” I want to say, when I feel offense by others, or when things are not going well , It is normal for people to feel uncomfortable. You must first realize that you also have the right to “feel uncomfortable” and express yourself “feeling uncomfortable”, and be fully aware of what happened, what people, behaviors, and events have affected your emotions, so that your emotions can be further calmed down. may.
After all, when you walk on the road and get hit by a car somehow, you have to record the other party’s license plate number before you can deal with the next accident, right? Many times, our negative emotions are caused by others. The next step of consciousness is the expression of emotions. Trying to describe your bad mood or negative emotions to yourself and others by using the sentence “What happened, makes me feel…” will help you. For example, “So and so called my name when talking to me, the tone was very bad, and I didn’t feel respected.” Or “So and so did not say hello when he saw me in the corridor, I felt ignored and was very angry. “These are better ways of expression. Although it seems to be centered on the “I”, it can actually help the listener better understand what is happening to you and develop empathy. When you see XX next time, you can say something like this: “I’m sorry to ask you not to call my name so loudly in the future. I don’t think it’s very polite.” Or “You didn’t say hello to me when you met in the corridor last time. . I thought you didn’t want to care about me. I’m so angry.” Give back the emotional burden that others have given yourself to others appropriately, and also reach a new understanding of each other, so as to promote the possibility of a negative emotion being resolved.
Of course, if the other party does have malicious intentions of harm and you can not resolve misunderstandings and eliminate negative emotions through dialogue and communication. Then you can also try other psychological methods, such as active imagination techniques, hypnosis and meditation, or even talk to a counselor directly, which will help improve your mood.
And there are also some other methods to take as below.
1. Ignore those who irritate us: There is such a vulgar kind of people who always like to deliberately pick you up. The more you pay attention to them, the more excited they are. However, if we ignore their words and deeds, they will feel bored and leave on their own, and they will no longer harass us. In this way we escape the things that make us angry!
2. Reason to stop anger: In fact, we will retain a trace of reason at all times. When we are so angry, we need to reason with this sense of reason to tell ourselves: “What can we do if we are so angry? Getting angry can only make everything worse.” Slightly ease the anger.
3. Treat each other kindly: There is another way of visualization. In the words of spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yucananda, it is to treat each other as a child. Once you see the other person as a helpless 5-year-old child, you will feel sympathy and tolerance in your heart. If your little brother accidentally stabbed you, at most you will be a little unhappy and not angry? Perhaps, you will think that your brother is too young to be sensible. This method really works when your family makes you crazy occasionally.
4. Please keep silent when you are angry: What anyone says when angry must basically add fuel to the fire, and it is easy to hurt the feelings of others. We found that when we speak in anger, the other party will respond negatively, making the atmosphere more tense. When angry, everyone is easy to make wrong decisions, so when angry, it’s right to keep silent!
5. Cherish peace of mind and stay away from anger: If you regard peace of mind as a very important thing, then we will never let anger destroy it. As Master Sri Chimoi said: “Perhaps you can be angry with someone for ten thousand reasons, but don’t forget, when you are angry, you will also lose your most precious peace of mind.”
6. Deep breathing: Generally speaking, deep breathing can relatively alleviate one’s own anger.
7. Meditation: According to researches, it is shown that regular meditation will greatly help maintain inner peace. If we have a way to achieve inner peace, why not use it when we are angry?
8. Try to understand the angry person: Don’t be afraid that you will always face criticism from others in a defensive manner. If you can maintain your composure, the other person may feel guilty for being angry with you. At the same time, infected by your calm emotions, they may also unconsciously calm down.
9. Divert your attention: If someone does something that makes you angry, then think more about happy things. The panacea for anger is to shift your attention to happiness.
10. Watching funny movies: If you are so angry, you can choose to watch some funny movies. After watching, I promise you that the mood of yelling up to the sky will turn into the mood of laughing upside down.